I have a new love!

My new DVD player, only 4400 yen at Yamada Denki. It's small, sweet, and I've decided to name it Gary #2, since its pretty much going to be my boyfriend for the next few months. I can finally see new movies and addictively rent episodes of 24.

On not such a positive note, one of the first movies that I watched was Million Dollar Baby. I'll admit, it was well acted, well scripted, and beautifully photographed. But the end really disturbed me (for those of you who haven't seen it, please stop reading now, spoilers ahead)

So at the end, someone wants to die because they are paralyzed and will never move again. Now, after working at RCIL for a year and a half, these are exactly the ideas that we were working against - "oh, you're in a wheelchair, you're better off dead." I understand that Hilary Swank's character was in pain, but so many people come out of these situations and go on to accomplish even more than they did as people without disabilities. Its amazing what people do because of disability and not in spite of it - many of my friends at RCIL were parapalegic, and they would have laughed in your face if you suggested that their life wasn't worth living. Then they would have found a way to beat the living hell out of you (especially my friend Gene, he was a biker before he got into an accident and became parapalegic - the man drank hard and partied even harder).

In 2003, there was an incredible New York Times article about a disability rights lawyer, Harriet McBryde Johnson, who was born with a severe muscle wasting disease - she could do very little for herself, she developed sores over her body all the time, she was often in pain. She is also an intellectual with an amazing mind and a beautiful writing style. She wrote this article about a debate that she had with a fellow academic who argued for the right to abort babies with disabilities. I know it is a long article, but please, please read it - it was an article that changed my life when I first read it at RCIL, and I do believe it is the greatest proof that the whole premise of "Million Dollar Baby" is based on prejudice, ignorance and a complete lack of appreciation for the joy possible for all people regardless of what their bodies look like.

One year ago today...

I stayed up till 5:00 discussing the three things that men are good for: sex, back massages, and something else (can't quite remember the finer points of my theory, but I can make a guess that it was a steady income)...

I realized that my heavy workload wasn't the only reason I wanted to stay in Buffalo...

I made sure that my feet kept to themselves (they can be a bit pushy sometimes)...

I found that sometimes people don't say what they want to say...

I looked forward to a delicious American breakfast the next morning (if only!)...

American food rocks, and bring on Thanksgiving

So, after five months of battling Japanese food, I am sad to say that it has beat me fair and square. While I do like many foods here - sushi, udon (sometimes!), chinese food, and any of the meals that Tomomi cooks - I have finally realized that I am not a Japanese-food kind of girl. The weird roots and seafood flakes on everything and obsession with seaweed (ugh!) and fatty meat is just too much for me. Plus, not being able to read the menus at most restaurants provides a bit more of a challenge than I'd like - yeah, I can just guess and be adventurous, but if I don't like it, I have just wasted ten dollars. This is the only part of Japanese culture that I have really felt frustrated with. My eating habits have become pretty horrible lately, especially because mostly I am eating out on the way to study, and so I get the foods that I know - usually fried foods, because at least with them you have a good idea of what they are going to taste like. However, after a deep conversation with my ever-growing belly (he speaks in a Mexican accent, funny enough), I have decided that when I am home I am going to send myself at least one huge box of American food - marinades and spices that I know how to cook with, cookies and snacks that are healthy, and vegetable, rice and pasta meals in a box. For once, I am going to have control over what I eat, and that is SO exciting. I spent all morning making a list, and I haven't felt this good in weeks :-)

Anyway, Tuesday night was the Gunma Jet Thanksgiving dinner at the G-face cafe, and it was so much fun. The usual suspects were there, and we feasted on turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, carrots, peas, corn, pumpkin pie, and apple crisp. Afterwards, we went to sing karaoke in Maebashi, and I talked for quite a while with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, Shane, and got red wine spilled all over my khaki pants by a Jet (he's a nice guy, so I didn't hold it against him). Then Skye, Kate, Ossian and I went to the British pub in Maebashi - yes! There is a British pub - I've heard a lot about it, but this was my first time in it. I had a Heineken, and Ossian, bless his soul, had a Guinness. It was almost like being in Europe (except for the numerous Japanese people speaking Japanese).

Kate, Ossian and I went back to their pad at about 3 and stayed up till 4 talking. Those two are seriously two of the coolest people I have ever met - they are funny, intelligent, and such a wonderful pair. I told them I had a "couple crush" on them - I love how they interact together and treat each other, they are always so interested in what each other has to say.

Anyway, great night had by all. Only three more weeks until I see most of you!

Ok, I admit it

There are moments here when I actually am more excited to go home and see Rent than I am to see Gary or my family.

Is that wrong? :-)

In the Spirit of Lisa

So I'm feeling a bit insecure about almost everything in my life (my future! my present! my big butt!) so in the spirit of Lisa, I've decided to be proactive and try and focus on the positive.

Things that rule about me
10. I'm have the free spirit of a hippie without the dirty smell and drug addiction.
9. I give myself completely to the people I really care about. I try to always be there when they need a friend.
8. I am pretty intelligent and well-spoken.
7. I am very respectful while living in a foreign country, and my co-teachers all seem to react well to that.
6. I am willing to face my problems and I'm not scared to ask for help if I need it.
5. I bring the social butterfly out in shy people.
4. I am willing to trust in the goodness of people and of life in general.
3. I won't give up on my dreams even though pursuing them sometimes scares me half to death.
2. I always get back up after I have failed at something, and I'm not too proud to admit that I have been wrong.
1. I am a very loving, caring person to my friends, family and boyfriend. I don't yell at them, and I try to listen to them even if I don't agree.

Back to Good

Ok, my little spurt of boredom was over as quickly as it began. About an hour after my masterpiece of musical theatre, I was asked to do three big lesson plans for this week. So, thankfully, I have work to do again.

This weekend I had very good news about my Cousin Jen. She is a fighter, there's no doubt about that, and after a long hard fight she's seeing results. It just goes to show that if you are a fighter, you may not be able to attain the impossible, but you can help make the "impossible" attainable. Congratulations, Jen, and kick that cancer's ass!

I was invited to one of the teacher's houses on Saturday night. After being lost for two hours, I have realized the cardinal rule of being a foreigner in Japan: never follow Japanese directions. My teacher lived relatively close to Takasaki station, and I probably would have found her house within a half hour, but I made the mistake of following her directions to the station rather than going by my own knowledge. Big mistake. See, Americans do directions logically and numerically: "You take rt. 25 straight to Takasaki Eki, then turn right at the station, make a left at the sign that says Takasaki East Side, and turn left into the station." Japanese people do directions contextually (a problem, since I have no idea of the locations that they are assumed to know) and visually. They make these wonderfully detailed maps (all the maps I have ever been given have actually been drawn with rulers and compasses!) but they don't use the road names published on road signs. Therefore, the road that I call rt. 25, they call the "Taka-Shibu Road" between Takasaki and Shibukawa, and another name after it hits Shibukawa. Thus, one road can have three or more different names, none of which correspond with the road signs! They also tend to use stores as location markers: for example, "turn right at the yellow car park." However, a car park in America looks a hell of a lot different than a car park in Japan, plus I can't read the signs to see "Car" or "Park." Life lesson: do not follow Japanese directions. Get them from another foreigner, or figure them out yourself. Or never leave the house.

As for the rest of the weekend, it's embarassing to say but I did nothing. I was supposed to go to the Ashikaga wine festival but at the last moment I decided not to go. I was absolutely exhausted and braindead from this grad work, and I felt like having a day to just unwind, do laundry and play with Lily. I woke up at 1:30 in the afternoon, which is wonderful as lately Lily has been waking me up at 6:00 every morning for no apparent reason. My great accomplishment of the day was to watch many, many episodes of Seinfeld, the best show on earth. I can watch that show for hours and never get bored - it is so original, and everytime I watch it, I think about my wannabe Jew boyfriend (at least he looks Jewish!)

Thanksgiving is coming up soon. It will be sad being without my family for the second time in two years. I was so busy doing work for school, I made the decision to stay in Buffalo last year rather than lose two days for travelling to New Jersey. I guess everything happens for a reason, though: it was that Thanksgiving vacation that Gary and I really started to fall for each other. On Thanksgiving night, we stayed up until 5:00 just talking about everything and nothing. It was hands down one of the nicest nights I've ever spent (even though sleeping on his couch wasn't exactly the most comfortable experience I've ever had!) I think that of all the days I'm away from America, Thanksgiving Day will be the hardest day for me. I will miss my parents, my grandma, my sister, my family, my friends, and Gary. But only three more weeks and I will be with you again! I can't wait!!!!!!

RENT 2! Now playing! (Beware, those of you who actually have productive lives, this is three minutes you won't get back)

So this week my students have had these big term tests, so I haven't had any classes. Now the last few days I spent all day researching graduate schools, but now I am BURNT OUT and have no idea how to preoccupy myself. So figured I would brainstorm here (with the help of my blog-reading friends, of course)...

10. Stay online on MSN Messenger and hope that someone interesting (besides my mechanic) comes on to talk to
9. Convince my school secretary that making calls to Gary would be for "business purposes"
8. Fake a seizure and go home
7. Download movies off the net and watch them
6. Write one new blog entry each hour
5. Figure out how exactly I can leave comments on other peoples' blogs (yeah, for some reason I have been trying to leave comments from my work computer and they are not going through - I really read your blog, Jenny, but I think its allergic to me!)
4. Tell my kyoto sensei that I have to go out and buy school supplies, then go shopping all day
3. Work on grad school apps...but no, I'm not going to touch that with a ten foot pole
2. Daydream about...American food
1. Think of songs from RENT and write ridiculous lyrics for them in anticipation of the movie!

Rent medley - as imagined by D. Goodman
Dedicated to R. Bonsignore

November 16th, 9:00 am, Gunma/Tokyo time,
from here on in I have nothing to do,
writing lyrics, dreaming of a coup
(I demand work to do!).
First shot, Mogi,
nervously copying her tests and
giving me lesson plans
("For next week!"
Now you rest!")
It's not like I'm bored,
desperate to see a mall.
("Not at all!")

What can I do? What activity can I turn to?
Tell your JTEs what you're doing, Debbie?

* * * *

(sung to "Ouuuuut tonight")
Got the time?
Well the clock says its close to 9
And you still have seven hours
'till its time for danger.

I wanna make lesson plans,
ignore the voices all in my head
("Wanna jump off a building?"
Wanna go home and rest in bed!")

I've got a knack from way back
of surfing the net for days at a time
when I'm bored at work,
it's time to get busy!
Let's go....su-urf the net!
Let's go....su-urf the net!
(Click, click!)

* * * *

(sung to "Will I lose my dignity?")
Have I lost my dignity?
Do my JTEs care?
Will I become stuck here
in this swivel chair?

* * * *

(sung to "525600 minutes")
525600 minutes...525000 moments at work,
525600 minutes...how do you handle boredom at work?
Do lots of...Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs.
Do lots of...Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs.
Do lots of drugs.
(Measure your workday in Dru-ughs!)
I'm really bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Yes, I'm so bored, bored, bored, bored.
I'm really bored...

* * * *

(sung to "1000 kisses")
I'm at my desk
But it is empty,
Nothing to eat, no worksheets to complete.
Worse, it's Friday,
but tonight I have plans
to go to Starbucks and write drivel all night.

Some people say that you never should waste time,
Those people just aren't geniuses of rhyme.
I am! Yes, I am!
I'm the poet of Gunma, the poet of all Nihon-land!
I am bored and I'm proud!
("When your lesson plan's canceled!")
I am bored and I'm proud!
("When your JTE's rancid!")

Oh, Minami, I think you're great!
(but please, jesus, give me work to do!)
Oh, Minami...I think you're great!

* * * *

(sung to "Your eyes")
My desk,
there it lurks in the dark,
full of the lesson plans from
other weeks,
not this time...

I should tell you, I should tell you,
I once had work to do, but now I'm just a bum!

* * * *

THE END
COPYRIGHT 2005

I am a little old Russian lady, and a Challenge for you

So anyone who knows me knows I dress like a librarian. I'm infamous (well, not Kate Moss infamous, but maybe Janeane Garofolo infamous) for my knee-length skirts, my cardigans, my glasses, my always-comfortable-never-heeled shoes, and of course my shawl - you know, the pink, blue and gold one I bought in Barcelona and which I have been inseparable from for the last four years. Well, amazingly enough, I am even more dowdy in Japan!

No, you cry, say it ain't so! Alas, poor reader, I have sad news to tell you. In Japan, the dress code is very strict for male teachers- they really can't get away with wearing less than a shirt/tie/pants combo. It is less strict for women, but it is immensely uncommon to wear skirts without thick stockings (although the little high school girls go around with their butts hanging out of their tiny little skirts and no one seems to care). Also, since I must keep a pair of shoes at school to wear inside (remember the whole "outside shoes can't be worn inside" Japanese custom), my shoes are all unattractive but comfortable, and rarely go with my outfit. Plus, since my hair takes so much time to straighten, I have been letting it go all curly and frizzy since I got here.

So please, let me describe what I look like at this very moment.

Brown mules
Black, thick stockings
Long black skirt up to my ankles
Blue button down shirt
Black cardigan
Shawl
Frizzy hair
Glasses

I have officially become 80 years old. Someone please call the Fashion Police when I get home, because I am going to NEED a makeover!

Challenge of the year:

Who do I look like right now?

I'll start. Mrs. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus.

Who's next?

Questions of a befuddled American

Today I saw a car in front of me with a sign that said "Baby on Board." Now usually these signs are either meant to 1. inform cars to be especially careful when driving near said car, or 2. to show obnoxious pride in the car owner's little squirt. So please tell me why someone chooses to buy such a sign written in a foreign language that no one can read?? The selective nature of English usage in Japan is completely beyond my grasp.

The ATM machines here close at five; however, teachers and other workers are worked to the bone from early in the morning to late at night, thus they can't get money out during the day. Almost all stores don't take credit cards, and there are no such things as personal checks. So will someone tell me how Japanese people actually buy things?

When I first arrived here, my school lunch was delicious - pasta, curry-rice, chicken, and fresh vegetables, often with a piece of fruit for dessert. Then why the heck have they been serving disgusting looking fish, rancid miso soup, and sour rice for the last month? Is November "Make Debbie lose weight by not giving her edible food" month?

As many of you know, when you walk into a Japanese house or building, you often have to take your shoes off and put special slippers on (or walk in your socks). Its considered very rude to put your bare feet on the outside floor or your shoes on the inside floors. My question: how do you take off shoes (beside slip ons) without having to shift your balance from foot to foot (thus putting one bare foot on the floor)? Also, once you take your shoes off, you have to face them towards the door (without your feet touching the floor) - whenever I do this, I end up falling all over myself. How do they do it so gracefully?

At Japanese stores, when you pay you have to put your money (coins and dollars) in a small dish, which they then pick up and put in the cash register. I have actually seen salespeople who, when I hand them money, direct me to the dish, and only pick the money up once I have put the money in the dish. Am I really that dirty, or is there another reason here?

How the heck can Japanese people use those "in floor" toilets without peeing all over themselves? And can someone explain exactly why the toilet paper is always installed somewhere that makes absolutely no sense - ex. in the back and very bottom of the toilet, so that you have to manuever ten steps back with your pants around your ankles then lean down and snatch a piece while seriously hoping that your "drip dry" worked and there isn't going to be pee all over your pants.

If anyone can enlighten me, I'd be more than grateful.

Winterizing my life

So, as I have probably said before, winters in Gunma are coooooold. Like, you walk outside, and its freezing and the winds are biting into your flesh, and then you walk into your house - lo and behold, thanks to the wonderful custom of having no insulation or central heating, the inside of your house is just as freezing as the outside! Thus, every ALT in Gunma has numerous heaters and kotatsus (heating tables)to get them through the months of December to February, and thus I have spent the last two days getting my room ready for the winter by moving my kotatsu into my living room, buying blankets for it, and setting up my gas and electric heaters so they are ready to go at full blast on a moment's notice. Now for those of you who are confused, a kotatsu is a table structure with a heater built into it. On top of the heater you put two blankets, and then on top of the blanket goes a table top. Thus, you can sit with your legs and arms covered by the luxurious kotatsu blanket (mine is so soft!) in the warmth of the heated table bottom, and at the same time can watch TV, use your computer and eat on the table top. I haven't used mine yet - it is still pretty warm here, I've only used my heater at night once in a while - but I am sure it will bring my enjoyment of laziness to a far deeper level.



Kabuki-za, one of the most famous kabuki theatres in the world

On a completely unrelated note, this past Wednesday I went to kabuki in Tokyo with Negishi-san at the Kabuki-za, an old-style Japanese mansion right in the middle of Tokyo's Ginza (entertainment) district. For those of you unfamiliar with kabuki, its basically a traditional Japanese style of acting notable for formal poses, lavishly colored and gilted costumes, and dramatic face makeup. It was developed by women, but since early kabuki actresses were also prostitutes, the government stepped in (as they like to do in these situations) and banned women from going on stage as of 1629, so now all kabuki parts (male and female) are played by men. Kabuki is not for the close-minded - the movements are exagerrated, the emotional displays are dramatic to the point of absurdity: the whole purpose of kabuki is so different than that of western drama that its impossible to judge one with the aesthetic principles of the other. As for me, I loved it: it was a celebration of color and form, in which the movement of one hand had just as much significance as Shakespeare soliloquoy. The very exageratedness of the motions and poses is what makes them so interesting: you know that this very flutter of a fan, this sweep of a hand, has been done throughout the last five hundred years in this same (yet different at the same time!) way. These movements have a history, and when you watch kabuki you're watching not just this movement but an entire way of performing Japanese culture.

Alright, enough gushing, but if you do have a chance, see kabuki. My parting words.

Ok, enough of this :-) On to the fun stuff!

So some of you were really concerned about my last post, and the whole leaving early thing, so I want to just put people's minds at ease.

Sometimes I have bad days here. Lately life has been a bit tough because I am in another country with so many amazing things to do, and I am stuck sitting at home writing papers and doing grad applications (which, as anyone who knows me knows, I am nervous as hell about anyway) and missing Gary and pretty much not enjoying my time here. I want to be studying Japanese and going out with my friends and travelling around on the weekends (which I have done a fair share of, but still), but from now until December I will be doing things like studying and writing papers, things that I could be doing in America. So sometimes I do feel like "why am I here when I can't take advantage of it." Sometimes I feel like I should just go home if this is the life I am leading here.

But then I think: hell, grad school applications will be done in four weeks! Next year will be so different, I'll be able to do whatever I want whenever I want. And my friends here are wonderful and supportive - they've all volunteered to be part of Project "help Debbie not stay at home and think about how much she hates applications and missing Gary." Which leads me to my last point - when I am out and having a good time here, I am so happy and genki (Japanese for excited). I'm going places I never thought I'd go; I'm making such good friends with the ALTs in my area (Kate, Ossian, Abi, Bob, Hayley and Chau rule my roost!) and overall life is good. Sometimes all the little moments of happiness are easy to forget when you are staring down the fifth draft of your personal statement and wondering, when will it end!

So I'm ok. I doubt I'd leave early - that was the emotion talking, not the intellect (or what little I have of one). If I did, I'd have a damn good excuse, and right now I can't imagine having one. To leave you on a positive note, yet another one of my half-assed (Bob) lists...

Ten reasons why, through it all, life is good

10. I have recruited numerous study buddies (obviously none whom can take the place of Jenny!) to suffer with at Starbucks
9. Lily is adorable. Of course, she wakes me up every morning at 6:00. Ok, she's annoying as hell.
8. Bob's always good for an internet conversation. Someday we'll meet in real life. Someday...
7. The more I go out with friends here, the more weird Japanese foods I can be convinced to try (fish eggs, anyone?)
6. Japanese language class may be over, but Tuesday night parties are just beginning
5. Almost all of my friends have significant others, so they're always there as shoulders to cry on (and as fellow sufferers too!)
4. I went apple picking last week at Mt. Haruna and got to play with cute little Chogakko kids. Highlight of the day: teaching them Christian gospel songs (yeah, its a Christian private school, but Tomomi works there, and they're all so nice). That's a first.
3. Cooking delicious dinners two nights in a row!
2. Actually having enough garbage cans to house all my garbage.
1. Going to Tokyo tomorrow to see kabuki with Negishi san. May even catch a Da Vinci exhibit and do a bit of shrining.

Something you should know

So I began this blog to give my friends and family an insight into my experiences here, all the amazing places I go to and all the wonderful people I meet. But there has also been an undercurrent that I have not shared with anyone, or if I have mentioned it, I haven't been specific in how it affects my life. But you are my friends and family, and I feel that of all people, I shouldn't worry about expressing myself to you. So here goes.

Japan is everything I thought it would be, and more. The people, the places, the experiences, all have opened my mind to a completely different world. I don't ever regret coming here. That said, there is a problem: sometimes I feel like Japan is the right place at exactly the wrong time. It is very, very, very hard being in a long distance relationship when the person you love most in the world is not just a few cities away, not just a few states away, but actually 14 hours away by plane. More than once, I have felt like I just couldn't do this for a year; I've suddenly become a mush, crying at cheesy love songs and hoping with all my might that some random internet relationship site, loving.com or kisskiss.com or schmoopy.com, I don't know, they're all the same, can give me the key to how not be miserable when my boyfriend is continents away. That said, I have seriously considered going home early. While it is likely that I will have to go home about a month early regardless (due to grad school and moving), I have contemplated returning home as early as March or April. I have made no decisions, but these thoughts have run through my head.

So there we are. I hope that none of you judge me or are dissapointed in me; unfortunately, this is a situation that is really complicated, and while I can waste my time wishing I had done this before I was in a serious relationship or that I had met Gary later in life, these are the cards that I have been dealt and no use complaining. I don't regret my decisions, and I only hope that I have the strength and support to do what I need to do this year, whatever that may be.

A sudden air of conviction

So yesterday I came to a realization: when I am busy, I tend to shut down out of stress, and this is something I need to change. Lately I have been so busy in good and bad ways (travelling through Japan and grad school applications) that I have been letting my apartment get messy, I haven't dont my hair in god knows how long, and I wasn't eating well or exercising (like I promised myself I would do when I got here!) Well, the thing is, just because Gary isn't here doesn't mean I can't do my hair once in a while; just because I am stressed out, doesn't mean my house can continuously be in a flux of messiness; just because I am tired doesn't mean that I can constantly go to conbini's for fattening dinners and never exercise. I need to buck up and start acting my age - when I am older and have children and a job, what am I going to do when I am stressed, give the kid to someone else because I can't handle it? I think in many ways the way I handle life is in some part hereditary - I see bits of me in my father and other people in my family. But this is MY life, and I have the ultimate control to change it. If Cousin Jen can be as motivated as she is even with all of the obstacles that she faces, so can I.

Top ten things I need to start doing again
10. Cleaning dishes when I make them dirty, not letting them sit in the sink!
9. Laundry. On a more-than-monthly basis.
8. Prevent Lily from drinking water out of my tub by remembering to close the shower door.
7. Keep hair dyed a nice natural brown instead of candy corn orange (which its been for about the last 8 months because I was too lazy to redye it).
6. Cooking as best I can.
5. Staying on my budget!
4. Remembering what days I have to take garbage out (garbage days here are as few and inbetween as days that I exercise, see below.)
3. Exercise. More than once a year.
2. Stop looking in the skinny mirror in my bathroom to feel better about my ever-growing tummy instead of actually exercising to make it go away.
1. Get grad apps done so I can enjoy my life again!

Rice Harvesting pics at last!

Thanks to the beautiful Chau Lam for providing the camera, and Tochigi for providing the rice...